by wonderfullyrich on April 21, 2005

I have a new website today…well not really a new website, sort of a rebuild. is now the home of pixel projects rather then my personal stuff. is now my personal home on the web.

My world is in fact very different and this website is one of my signfigant changes. For many changing a website is just a pain in the ass, or even just more like an uknown burden, but for me in this case it is a representitive change in my life. No longer am I trying to “save the world, right now!” rather I’m trying to save myself from my biology before I can save the world. The change isn’t insiginfigant, but perhaps hard to understand without knowing me.

Most of concious life I have been consumed with my love of humanity, I can’t stand the idea of losing in the universe. Trouble I am by the reasons of this, but I still have a belief we can exist so then we should give ourself the chance. I have over the years though develop thoughts and done my research on one area of how to affect and improve humanities chances of not killing each other as well as improving everything we are. It invovles improving human communication on a systemic level. Something with a multitude of implications, and something that’s feasible, but probably not for a few generations.

I have spent the intervening period since I developed this plan trying to develop myself so I can achieve this long term goal. What I’ve managed to do though is achieve a depressed and cynical state of mind. I lost my own humanity in the course of trying to save everyones.

This website and my new path symbolize my respite from saving the world. Realizing that we live in a huge feedback loop and perhaps a deterministic universe and I am not trusting it nor enjoying it. Nor for that matter am I enjoying the humanity around me that I love so dearly.

As I told brystal (my ex girlfriend who inadvertantly, or perhaps intentionally, started me on this trek) my step behind the camera is an attempt to keep me looking for the beautiful things in life. It is to keep me sane and enjoy the beauty and thoughts of nature. Perhaps one day I will achieve my goal without pushing so hard. Perhaps one day I will find a way to achieve my goal while finding my own humanity.

{ 0 comments… add one now }