Love understood Thoughts 02/22/2003 01:06 AM

You know when your in love when you love the person and not the image of the person once they change.
When you have no image of the person you want to love and just love the person who exists or you just accept the person who exists, then you are in a love that where you can be content.

It’s the difference between contentment verses complacent.

“then there’s rich who can get under a priest’s skin”
“He’s visionary, which is one of the reasons I like him”
-Bill Scott

After tonight (a game night or a night where we gather friends and have fun playing board/computer/pool/foosball games) I realize that I must accept angie’s relationship with russ as it is. Not because I think it’s dysfunctional, but because of the underlying stability that I see and have partial seen in the relationship. Yes they fight, bitch, moan, whine, and act like assholes an unbelievable amount of the time when the public can see them, but what makes the relationship work is the method by which communication takes place beyond the arguments. The fact that Russ can tell when she’s going to be bitch tomorrow based on her skin consistency (caused by her period) is elements of the communication that can happen on such a level that many have and never will achieved. It’s the fact that when all language based communication fails, the jump to the keyboard and are able to convey emotion from one to another without language. It’s the fact that they are okay with the drama in their life and it’s part of what makes the relationship work. They don’t want stability in the mundane way, they have found contentment without complacency, but it involves more conflict (not violence, conflict) then other Americans are used to seeing.

It is for these reason that I love angie as much as I’ve love tika perhaps more because for the first time in my life I think I’m willing to accept her for who she is and do not want to change her nor her relationship with russ. I have at times thought of Teena and Josh as my model for a relationship that I want, and it’s still true, but I realize other elements that Angie and Russ have shown that I will find in a relationship.

The relationship that will help me save the world from it’s own violence (or at least progress it) is one that we accept each other, while challenging each other. We are content, but not complacent. We are active, but not overactive. We are the ying and yang.

Many would say I’m shooting for too much, but I know those people exist. Angie was a find that was happenstance, but I can make more relationships happen where my love is available in a more direct manner. I have not been active in pursuing my values, and perhaps that is what will change the happenstance from almost to made.
Veronica didn’t work, but I wasn’t looking for it. The mind wasn’t quite on the same level and I should have been “ruthless to be truthful” as bill’s quote states, but I wasn’t and I have relearned a valuable lesson. The sex wasn’t on the level because I wasn’t attracted to her. She didn’t really have any values that coincided with mine so the element of changing her was permanent. She was not content with her life so far as things outside relationship have to go. For her many things were left to resolve in life and liberty before happiness will exist.

To make my vision happen means that I need help in balancing that which I cannot balance alone. To make her vision happen means that I bring balance, or love, or happiness, or contentment, or challenge to her when it’s not possible to do alone.

I know what love is, I seek it and have found it in others, but not without having something standin in the way. I hope (and right now I truly do contain hope) that I can find such a vessel as Angie again in a manner that I can be content with.